We must not forget about our mothers

We must not forget that our mothers were once young women

That they had lovers before our father

That they too once longed to belong

longed to feel at peace when alone 

at home ..(s).

and with other(s)

...

We must not forget

That they too were lost like we are now...

(...at some point)

This thought came to me yesterday after spending my Sunday evening with my friend's family. In the company of good conversation marinated in Trinidadian and St-Lucian accents. ...Yesterday I felt homesick. Reminded me that I might possibly spend my first Christmas without the fam this year.

We cannot forget that our parents were and maybe still live a life of uncertainty. ... In this quest of finding answers and clarity to my path..(lol) ... I also spent my yesterday taking a personality test. This test showed that I was a "INFJ type" ... (there's this link too) ... then I proceeded to google which careers would fit me. Only to find out that with my "personality type" I cannot be boxed into a certain career path...  ...(still trying to figure out what this means).

(currently vibing out to Eric Lau's instrumentals while I'm looking for jobs... I've noticed his name on a couple of blogs, but have yet to really listen to anything yet until tonight.. so far :) .. so good)

The Pursuit of (Cool): Coltrane Curtis

The Pursuit Of (Cool): COLTRANE CURTIS from R+I creative on Vimeo.

Being Grounded

Life is interesting... 

I'm moving/looking for a job/looking for specific purpose/looking for myself/ looking for a right path/ looking to be less hard on myself/ looking to not be on my laptop and copped up inside/ looking to exercise more/ looking to pray more/ looking to cook more/ looking for more money. lol.. / looking to laugh more..

....

".. Ultimately I intend to be more present and aware through them (spiritual practices), ... to be more compassionate and see the world through a more compassionate lense as opposed to my own pride, my own fear " - SK

...

"...Being oriented in such a disorienting and distracted world.." - SK

Today hearing his story makes me feel sane. 

thankful

Manmie...

Hi mom,

I want to tell you that that I really meant to call you yesterday… and the day before that. But I got caught up and I’m sorry. I know that you will not always be around… but please know that I care. It is a joy to be called your daughter … it is an honour to have been birthed through you. It is an honour to have been nurtured by your ways and fed by your hands and taught your ways.

Please know that I am grateful. (1:02 am – 18/11/11)

 Downtime - Robert Glasper Trio (Drum Cover) by ZionGuy 

Sometimes I get busy. Sometimes I get too busy to call you and check up and see how you’re doing … not only as a mother of 5 beautiful children… but also as wife … as a person as human being. Sometimes I get too busy making sure the outcome of my hustle make your heart smile … and I forget that it is in the subtleties and small acts that fuel fire to your fight to be here.

Immigrant petite Haitian woman.. Strong, random quiet /loud when needed but warm when my spirit needs it the most. You left your home to be here in the cold for a better future for your children. Know that I remember your ways, habits annoying or not. lol.. know that I miss them all. know that I memorize the creases and folds of your face when your frowned in dismay or disaproval of some of my actions, words or attitudes. ...know and trust that God is shapping me into ways I'm sure will please your heart.

(1:24 AM – 18/11/11)

I'm not sure where you find the strength to be as great as you are. I gage that it is super-human... maybe something borrowed along the lines of your own mother and father and those before them. I gage that this strength ... and has been passed on to you like it has now passed on to me.

I'm learning to be strong like you mom... (I'm trying)...

Mom I want to tell you that yesterday I cried tears of joy at the feeling of peace I felt you had when I left you that random voicemail, asking you how you were doing. I hope you believe when I say, I'll try to do better... I will be better, and call you more. I know that it is in your nature to worry, rightfully so, but please don't let these thoughts take too much space in your mind... you deserve more than what I sometimes give you. You deserve more than this.

I smell a promise being made in exercising who I am (and I'm still figuring out what that is)...

(3:04 AM - 18/11/11)

Erykah Badu Lecture (RedBull)

Lecture: Erykah Badu (Madrid 2011) from Red Bull Music Academy on Vimeo.

In an open letter to God I wrote...

November 17th ... at 12:32am ... Overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings of how I got here. Overwhelmed by ... a lot of good things... fighting within myself my own insecurities in my navigation in this life... 22 years strong ...lol. I wrote these words.

 in the rawness of everything that was going through me... in Tears, Snot and ALL... (lol).......  I've never done this before. ... (I was debating whether or not I should post this up, or even share the context behind the creation of this post, but after discussing it with a friend, I decided to let go of these... or rather this anxiety or fear of releasing this prayer or raw thought into my blog.) ... I decided not to go over it and edit some of what I wrote. ... In sharing this open letter, I pray that someone gets something out of it.. if anything. ...lol. In sharing this I hope to somehow make a difference to someone who needed to see this. ............. I believe in the beauty that lies in sharing this raw... un-edited. ... typography of feelings ... thoughts.. emotion on this. .. if anything. I don't believe that I'm alone in this. ...I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

...........

Dear God,

Thank you. ........ thank you for what happened in Geneva. I promise I will be better. I'm sorry ...with all this blessing, I do feel like like I've let you down. I haven't knelt down to thank you enough. I haven't put time for you as much as I should've ... and God I'm aware ... I'm sooo aware of everything you've done for me. 

I'm still wrapping my mind around what happened in Geneva. I'm still trying to make sense of it God.. and I know that you are all knowing ... and I trust that you already know that. but ... God help me find clarity in my purpose. I haven't felt so strong about my existence ever before until now... I am aware that you are working wonders within me... wonders whose depth I'm only now beginning to be cognizant of. 

Please don't be mad with me... I want to be bigger than me. 

(((..I gotta find peace of mind..)))
 I gotta find peace of mind lauryn hill by beeezee
(((I know it's possible...))) ..... guide me to where you want me to be. 

God I also know that I don't talk to you as much as I should, and I don't talk to my parents as much as I should... even if they are the most important things to me... I do have the tendency to try to handle and fix things by myself... like I have for a long time... but God today i'm praying that you allow me to be open... to let a little bit more people into my thoughts into me... allow me to realize and trust that other people can help me.

... I've been let down and disappointed with so many people...  

thank you for loving me despite myself. ... sometimes I fight myself.. thank you for caring... thank you for loving... thank you for incubating my space with love. With ... sooo much love. sooo many people who care about me. ...about my personal growth 
I want to understand my story and I want to tell it tactfully and honestly. .... I want to grow and teach within this discovery. .... Dear God allow me to let go of some of my anxiety ... some of my worries about what I say and what I do in exercising what is me. 

... Allow me to find my truth. 

Michael Kiwanuka ... Tell me a Tale

Tell me a story that I believe... ...the trumpet part of this track reminds me of fela .. I like this guy and the vibe of his tracks. There's something kind of honest about how he signs his songs.. I appreciate it.