Pray...Tell him.

Pray. Tell him everything.
there are times when silence becomes the voice of your worst fear.
Where it reminds you of the weakness of your flesh
There are times where the downward motion of your tear drops are the only thing that seem to understand what it feels to hit rock-bottom*
... I want to Tell God everything.
I want to tell him that I love him. That I do trust him... that he works everything in his own ends. .... I really do. but times like these are not easy. (lol)
... I peak smiles in the midst of my tears because I know he loves me despite my fears/flaws... and more often than not, I find myself highly favored... my life is breathing testimony.

today my heart is heavy... for myself, for other's losses, for my community and for the world.

What does it mean to love? Is there meaning in suffering? I've seen and heard of stories where the fate of people who suffer are the same as those who don't. ... Sometime it's crazy to see the many ways in which wisdom comes into our lives. But wisdom is meaningless and has no worth without love.... and I understand that he loves me. Money does not love. Money is evil. (lol). Seriously it is. But it's a necessary evil. Convoluted in my sorrow is my search to try to understand money. I'm trying to understand my personal assets and liabilities and how to invest my mind and my time into something that will bring me to a state of semi-genius where I'll be able to be financially stable. I want to say that everything will be OK, but I don't know that. The only thing I know is that I am alive and I have today to make a difference.

I understand that I need love more than I need money. So I'm going with that, and folding this thought into a prayer... putting it in a bottle, hopefully it'll come back to me tomorrow:

Let me be patient let me be kind
Make me unselfish without being blind
Though I may suffer I'll envy it not
And endure what comes
Cause he's all that I got and
Tell him...

______
* = maybe not rock-bottom..Just super-down

(Strange Fruit)