Last sunday I spent some time to myself. It was a sunny day that started with a prayer or two.. some silence... some tears... some writing and LOTS of walking. It was needed. I decided to take my dslr along for my stroll..
There's always something about sitting by a large body of water... howerver calm.. however busy.. howerver quiet. There's something about it that brings me peace. It makes me feel reflective. It centers me. ... I hope one day when I get old, I am privileged enough to have a home by a body of water... or at least find a way to bottle the effects of what it does to my spirit and carry that with me all days through my old age. ... lol. I think about this often.
Willow ... weep for me.
Willow trees make me think of old age. lol. old memories.. and Pocahontas (real talk lol). I think it's because of how it hangs. ...like sagging limbs.. sagging skin..in a hunchback-like stance. it reminds me of old mothers..
it reminds me of wisdom acquired in due time. .... (strange)
Sometimes I forget that Toronto actually has an airport downtown. ...
My favourite thing about the picture above and the one below is the reflection of the surroundings from the monument. ... I'm not sure why. I find it so interesting ... and beautiful! lol.
Old jeans.
I can't remember the last time I rollerbladed. lol..
yes. you are seeing a mini sand area. You can pretend to be on a beach. lol... and "tan" if you're into that.
I often think that people that live in the city are not aware or fully taking in, what's available in their city. I mean I can say a little bit of the same about Calgary (until I moved away, I didn't really appreciate it as much as I think I should've) . This city (Toronto) is spoiled when it comes to scenery like this being accessible downtown.. in terms of having "arts & culture" hubs throughout it (although, they are very much under a lot of thread due to crumbling funding structures of the non-profit sector) ... it is spoiled. .. It is ugly .. it's beautiful .. not sure if I'm over it. lol.. maybe I am.. maybe not. I'm still thankful I'm here though.
One day I'll find home. I don't think it's here ... yet.
We all know it... that one moment in a friendship where for some reason you don't know if the other person is being nice or if they're flirting. ...in fact you start rethinking and asking yourself if you had been subconsciously been flirting the whole time or if you're just too nice for your own good. ....
so now the two of you exist in this gray area and you're unsure what is the proper etiquette to either pursue your preferred route whether it is to clarify the friendship or to try to find a spark between the two of you.
............... ooooorrrr none of this applies to you. And you just have crazy ass parties in your head, as you scroll pages of blogs online or rock back and forth and drowning in your solitary thoughts of being young possibly black and awkward and quietly extremely single lol... and you feel bad-ass when you manage to sleep at 3 am. lol.
.... or all of the above.
It's late... had the random thought of streaming coltrane's album coltrane for lovers a few minutes ago. and thought about this. ... this grey area. lol. ...it's an interesting area.
When I think about the grey matter that comes with dating... a major component of our social nervous system. lol... (<< see what I did there... nerd-wordplay... bare with me lol) ...
These days, my summertime are sort of filled with these couples or people hooking up (what does "hooking up even mean?!?") ... it also seems like everyone and their cousin is getting married or having a baby lol ... so this grey area or lackthereof... (lol)...has been on my mind.
The story below was meant to be publish a while back, but for some reason I never got around to it. Appologies.
"yesterday on the train ride home from work, I saw an old woman whose 'race' I couldn't quite decipher find a seat accross from me at a subway stop that shall remain un-named. lol... Her face was folded and patterned in wrinkles that held a million words... she had in her hands, a few bags, some plastic some cloth. Either way I couldn't quite make-out the contents that filled them.
She glanced around for what seemed like a second before she eagerly reached out in one of the bags a book that read something along the lines of "The book of Catholic jokes"... She opened the book and I could see her eyes quickly skim through the first couple of pages and she turned one page after the other (probably skimming the prefaces and intros)... and I saw the faint prelude of what seemed like a half-cracked smirk when she landed on the first page where the book began. ... It was cool to watch that moment.
.... of course she didn't know I was staring at her.. but I was. lol... I saw her eyes dance accross what I assumed to be words, phrases and ideas and then I saw her smile. It seemed like every joke she read was funnier to her than the next one. Almost like she could relate or was hugging the memory of her youth, the memory of something past and the possible irony that may have found itself hidden in between the sentences she found.
... her smile would get bigger as she read on. At one point I noticed that she must've ran into a joke that was super funny because she was smiling really widely then looked up to see if anyone was looking at her ...lol. (it was adorable).. we exchanged glances, as her eyes skimmed around her surroundings then she returned to her book.
It was the most heartwarming sight I'd ever seen on the TTC in a while. ... oooooorrr Maybe I was reading too much into it.... LOL."
The song is dedicated to the joys of consumerism. I will admit this song is a guilty pleasure. But this morning I went on a spree on a lot of articles about Haiti. I read this one article that discussed how since the earthquake, the dependency on rice has risen by approximately 80%. In other words, 90% of the rice that is being consumed by Haitians, (especially after the earthquake) is coming from this ONE area in the states. The earthquake = business as usual.
When I was younger living in Haiti, for as long as I can remember, I've always liked to receive gifts on Christmas, not from people, but just from my parents. One year when we moved to Canada, things were a little bit different, and things were a bit harder, and I remember when I was in grade 1 in a school in Montreal, I was introduced to this concept of Santa Claus. I remember leaving school that day feeling somewhat annoyed and confused, because there were no chimneys in Haiti. So this idea of this fat old man giving gifts to everyone around the world in one single night by dropping down the chimney was absolutely absurd. So I went home discussed it with my sisters and brothers and of course we all couldn't make sense of it had a laugh and dismissed the theory. I was 7 years old. lol
I'm almost 22 years old. I've had the opportunity and the blessing to learn a lot not only from people around me, but in University, in hearing people's stories, in reading them and in some cases simply seeing them unfold before my eyes. The point of this post is not say that I figured it out faster than all these kids but to acknowledge the power of privilege, and the blessing of perspectives.
I think the most valuable thing I've learned so far in my life. Is the value you get from perspectives. There is one thing that stayed constant regardless of these perspectives, is the feeling of being with family. The food, the jokes, the sharing, the endless nights of dominoes, and more food. Though there are a few things I would like to have this holiday season like (i.e. Groceries! socks! CDs!!) I know I have more than enough. But to be honest if I could have one thing for christmas it wouldn't be for me, it would be for the thousands and thousands of people who are still in those tents, still under the rubble. It makes my heart hurt. I know enough to know that I can't have that. But I will keep praying for change. (I can't believe that it's almost going to be a year since this earthquake).
So for the first time in more than 10 years I will spend Christmas in the east coast. I hope I'll finish this project soon, so I could enjoy this break. There is power in the perspective I'm getting for being where I'm at. There are things money can't buy, and I call those blessings. lol. So cheers... Thank you Toronto for Everything. Thank you for your awesomeness. I've consumed all the joys and all the experiences of your corners with the little I have. You robbed me through your means of transport (TTC), and yet I found myself smiling. It's cold now and I haven't seen you in like a month because of school... So I'm not smiling like I used to, but I am always reminded that it could be worse (see Edmonton & Calgary). So thank you.
