Haiti Diaries || Week2... debrief.

(My sister at home, w/ a blanket #deathtomosquitos lol)


It's been a week since I've been back from Haiti. Forgive my lack of posts for the past little bit. I have a lot that I wrote while I was away, that I meant to post daily, but I rarely had access to internet while I was away. So I'm going to be periodically posting some of my scribbles on here just as a way to debrief on some of the ideas that were running through my mind while I was away. I'm also juggling a lot of things personally (moving, job hunting, preparations for another chapter ect..)

Nneka featuring Nas - Heartbeat (Remix) by Hypetrak

" Prior to coming to Haiti I think I must’ve fallen prey to the rhetoric of the strength and defiance of the Haitian story. When I say Haitian story I mean the story of the 1804 revolution, and it’s legacy on Haiti, but I never really addressed or even remotely really recognize the real deep impact of colonialism on Haiti prior to the legendary uprising. ...Everything, from the name of some areas in downtown Port-au-Prince to the names of some streets throughout the country have french names. Names of places and spots that you can find in France as well. ... it's crazy.

French culture is embedded into Haitian Culture and Identity. I’m slowly realizing this more and more. In the formulation of the elite class, the more you can emulate "frenchness", (it also helps if you're lighter skin...[post-colonialism rhetoric] smh) the more opportunities were presented to you.

Right now, I’m wondering: is there a point in trying to separate Haitian identity with French identity and latin-american identity, and African identity. Because right now they all seem to speak of my story. From music on the radio, to our diction, to how some Haitians style themselves with castro-like mustaches, and eat pastries by the deli and ensure to have their café au lait in the morning... From the texture of our paté (patty) to the way family remembers always know natural alternatives to sicknesses and diseases (African roots)... it’s a creole. It’s a mix... I think it's starting to make sense to me now. " - Week 2 (thoughts).

Hypetrak Premiere: Mr. J. Medeiros - Old Man Perez by Hypetrak

This whole trip allowed me to make more sense of who I am, and why I am the way I am. It helped me make sense of why when I was growing up I felt awkward not getting the references that some of my carribbean (jamaica, trini, antiguan ect...) friends and acquaintances had. For example, I never heard of or fully understood dancehall culture growing up until grade 11 (Canada) or felt like it was at all ever part of my history... Also a LOT of times when I heard my Island people speak Patwa, I didn't (sometimes still don't) understand what they're saying, accents can be STRONG lol... Yet as someone who everyone knew was carribbean it was automatically assumed that I got it, and that I got down exactly like my jamaican, trini, antiguan brothers & sisters, (dancehall culture and all). So I remember trying to keep up... I remember a couple of instances where I faked being into it, because I wanted to be friends with the black kids lol... they looked so cool, and spoke in such a cool way lol... smh. dang. (oh the compromises I made!)

There's also the conversations I've had with people who are Caribbean that told me that Haiti doesn't count as being part of the Caribbean... I think the source of this reasoning stems probably from the fact that we don't speak English, we are stigmatized by poverty and politics unlike our other Caribbean counterparts... and let's not forget the basic fact that we have completely DIFFERENT stories... This sort of ostracism irks me a little.

(strange Fruit)

Haiti Diaries || Day1...in-between-Clouds

Day1.
It’s crazy how perspective changes things.
to sit at a window seat at a flight overseas I wonder..
is this the view that God has when he sees us running around like crazy ants, in this strangely beautiful mess of a world. From up here, this sky-view almost seems to belittle the tunnel vision that we often find ourselves in when walking on dry land. ... I’m floating between clouds and I have the opportunity to breathe in this ability... To see this.... To breathe this. To be here.

Cruise ships look like reverse shooting stars, and clouds look like a better version of dust. And everything looks like a painting. From here I don’t know where the sea and the sky greet each other. In the blue of their hues, maybe they exchange their own stories... and traces of these conversation tickle down in blurred form of fluffed clouds. ...I’m sure they too have stories to tell. ...perhaps some of their conversation will go along like “you know we’re very alike you and I. ... I’ve seen humans do strange things from here, and the ozone of my heartbeat is breaking everyday at the sight I see, and the cries I hear... and maybe land will just sigh in agreement, or even shudder or tremble from heartbreak”...

Maybe God eavesdrops in this conversation every now and then. And has posted notes somewhere in his memory. ... I dunno lol... But being here I can’t help but wonder if this is what God sees when people look up and ask for help.
I’ll never know.

- 1:11pm 27/06/2011pm
(strange Fruit)

Haiti Diaries || "Departure: Window seat"

So at 4am as I was getting ready and while on the phone with my sister, I realized that I needed to leave the house in 30 minutes. I rush like crazy, almost forgetting my passport, my toothbrush, body wash! and razors... (basically everything to maintain my hygene) ... that would've been oh so tragic. *wheew* ... glad I figured that one out quickly.

I'm currently at Pearson airport right now. Not sure if it's because everytime I've been here I've always left to go somewhere local, but this airport is HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm also running on 0hrs of sleep, so I may not be entirely mentally alert right now, but I'm typing away, typeouts and delirium alike. ... (forgive me) ...

This is weird, I think this is the first time in toronto that I'm seeing Haitian people. ... let alone at the airport... *squeals* ... I wonder if they know that I'm Haitian. I wonder if we`re all going to Haiti together.... lol... Also, I sort of regret not bringing my beats headphones... blu, the weekends & frank Ocean are sounding a little flat right now. ..:-/
... but there's also the advantage of being able to lean on the window and put my hands by my ear and sleep in a cliché sleeping position by the window. Oh yeah I got a window seat...



....I'm hoping during my layover in Montreal, I'll actually have no problem locating my dad and his close friend. I wonder if their seat is close to mine. ...I also wonder if he's going to ask me to sit by him. Would the airhostess let me? We'll have to see I guess.

I am praying that this flight will go on smoothly. no turbulence. no baby crying incessantly. I hope it's chill. I hope it's quiet. I hope that the plane isn't jammed packed. I also sincerely hope there's someone else like me on that flight lol.. young. half-foreign making the same journey as me. A few hours ago I realized that this is going to be the first time I board a plane to go overseas since I came to live in Canada. I haven't been in Haiti in 12 years (I kept thinking it was 10 years for some reason)... I hope that I don't have any trouble at customs. I hope they don't confiscate the snacks I managed to put inside my suitcase. lol... Damn, I forgot to bring the pillow my mom asked me to bring. ... oh well.

aaaaahhh.. I'm so excited for this trip!!!... I hope I'm able to take in everything... IN... fully and wholly.

I think they're going to open the lounge in a little bit. When I went up to weigh my suitcases a few minutes ago, the officer gave me a death glare when he saw that my suitcases were heavy. I was surprised too. I thought I packed light. ... I guess it's probably because of my hair products... speaking of hair, I had to undo my braidouts while it was still sort of wet. :( ...thankfully it still had some sort of hold.... lol.. it still looks mediocre though. Oh well!.. nothing to do about that now. lol...

Back on the topic of suitcases. I have 1 suitcase full of donations. the other one has my own stuff. so on the way back I'm going to have one suitcase of barely anything in it.. unless I buy some artizana and give it to friends... will they take it at custom though?.. I dunno, we'll see, I'll ask manmie. lol... why aren't they calling me in yet? ... am I at the wrong gate. ...
holy crap. I should go check.

Brb.

Wish me luck folks.
here we here we go.
:)

(PS forgive the typeouts)
(strange fruit & Haiti)

Keep Calm and Make it work

[Haitian Girl posing with her prosthetic leg, 1 yr after the earthquake]

... Attention, all Haitians, non-Haitians, people who are in solidarity with Haiti. If you have felt overwhelmed, sad, depressed because of this struggle you call life, or the struggle you witness people around you or on your TV screen experience, If you have felt lost in the world, helpless, guilty for being so blessed, undeserving ... I say keep calm and make it work. Today, I'm feeling better than yesterday. I was depressed, all I could see was negativity, nothing positive. But today I wouldn't have it. I even made my way to winners and got a yoga mat, and as soon as I got home I started to stretch breath and just think. I was even going to bake something, then I got too comfortable in my room and decided not to. ....... I'm ok now.



Sometimes I think it can be overwhelming to care about the 'less fortunate'... I put it in quotation, because oftentimes people who 'we' think is 'less fortunate' don't consider themselves 'less fortunate' AT ALL, so why call them that? ... but I digress. After running into a tumblr ad of Tim Gun with the quote "keep calm and make it work" I decided to name this post the same. Sometimes my head tries to pick at all these things that's going on around me all the will by assessing myself and how I fit in this mess... and I go crazy a little bit. So ... New motto guys: Keep Calm and make it work.

Jose James

Jose James by user2405655

Ran into this video after downloading the song the other day. ... I've playing it on repeat



Here's a short film that I just enjoyed... about a designer and his process/story ...

Sometimes I wonder if there is a point to being in some classes. I was in class today, and I didn't realize that the class was going to be SUPER concentrated on theory about freedom, and equality. Everything that seemed to be talked about was so abstract, that it almost didn't make sense at all. ...almost. If it wasn't for the discussion that followed afterwards, I would've probably walked out of the class and dropped it. ......smh



Today was a bit depressing, and odd, because it marked the 1 yr mark of Haiti's earthquake. Articles, videos, newspaper reports of how bad everything is. How little progress is being made, and how the Cholera epidemic is worsening. I just felt straight up helpless. I wanted to wear my mini-Haitian flag as a sign of solidarity but I couldn't find it. I wanted to go to an event/fundraiser for it, but I had a night class so I couldn't. Not to mention that winter has officially kicked in full gear now! :(

Somewhere in the middle of me trying not to think about it to much and lighten my mood, I managed to watch the Bachelor. smh ...lol (no judging, at least it's not jersey shore)

Then it reminded me of the "dating world".... smh... and how a show like the bachelor is so dumb but it's good TV. It reminded me of other things, but I'll keep it as that.

....

'tis the joy of consumerism

Christmas in Harlem by The Beat Juice

The song is dedicated to the joys of consumerism. I will admit this song is a guilty pleasure. But this morning I went on a spree on a lot of articles about Haiti. I read this one article that discussed how since the earthquake, the dependency on rice has risen by approximately 80%. In other words, 90% of the rice that is being consumed by Haitians, (especially after the earthquake) is coming from this ONE area in the states. The earthquake = business as usual.



When I was younger living in Haiti, for as long as I can remember, I've always liked to receive gifts on Christmas, not from people, but just from my parents. One year when we moved to Canada, things were a little bit different, and things were a bit harder, and I remember when I was in grade 1 in a school in Montreal, I was introduced to this concept of Santa Claus. I remember leaving school that day feeling somewhat annoyed and confused, because there were no chimneys in Haiti. So this idea of this fat old man giving gifts to everyone around the world in one single night by dropping down the chimney was absolutely absurd. So I went home discussed it with my sisters and brothers and of course we all couldn't make sense of it had a laugh and dismissed the theory. I was 7 years old. lol



I'm almost 22 years old. I've had the opportunity and the blessing to learn a lot not only from people around me, but in University, in hearing people's stories, in reading them and in some cases simply seeing them unfold before my eyes. The point of this post is not say that I figured it out faster than all these kids but to acknowledge the power of privilege, and the blessing of perspectives.




Who You Are by Xesxpress

I think the most valuable thing I've learned so far in my life. Is the value you get from perspectives. There is one thing that stayed constant regardless of these perspectives, is the feeling of being with family. The food, the jokes, the sharing, the endless nights of dominoes, and more food. Though there are a few things I would like to have this holiday season like (i.e. Groceries! socks! CDs!!) I know I have more than enough. But to be honest if I could have one thing for christmas it wouldn't be for me, it would be for the thousands and thousands of people who are still in those tents, still under the rubble. It makes my heart hurt. I know enough to know that I can't have that. But I will keep praying for change. (I can't believe that it's almost going to be a year since this earthquake).



So for the first time in more than 10 years I will spend Christmas in the east coast. I hope I'll finish this project soon, so I could enjoy this break. There is power in the perspective I'm getting for being where I'm at. There are things money can't buy, and I call those blessings. lol. So cheers... Thank you Toronto for Everything. Thank you for your awesomeness. I've consumed all the joys and all the experiences of your corners with the little I have. You robbed me through your means of transport (TTC), and yet I found myself smiling. It's cold now and I haven't seen you in like a month because of school... So I'm not smiling like I used to, but I am always reminded that it could be worse (see Edmonton & Calgary). So thank you.


1loveTO