Monday, September 5, 2011

I look uncomfortable right? ... that's because I AM.

Why this picture you ask. Because right now everything is chaotic. I just moved into this new appartment with a family friend. ... Do I like it? ... no. to be frank (it took a lot of self reflection and endless self rants and out-loud rants to accept this as fact) ... Why did I move?  ... because I had to (lease was up, couldn't be homeless lol) .. There are a number of reasons why I'm really not feeling this place for reasons I will sort of keep to myself.

I have so many things going on right now... I need a time out. A 2 day retreat somewhere by a body of water where I can not listen to anything or anyone just water and nature. No blackberry, not even an ipod... maybe my sketchbook and a pencil.... maybe one of my books. I need some sort of escape area where I can sit out and not do or be anything and just ... be. Maybe have a really good conversation w/ a person or two about something random but important yet interesting. It's not very much to ask (if you ask me).

 Down by emilyking

My quiet place used to be a bench by the waterfront (downtown toronto)... then I moved and it became my balcony at dawn, but now it doesn't exist anymore... I suppose I could go by the waterfront tomorrow morning... but I'm not sure how realistic that is since it's supposed to pour (yet again)... plus now I'm farther from downtown. The one thing I do like about this place is the view. It's overlooking a major highway (maybe the 401?) ... some large area w/ some lots of trees ... plus a little bit of downtown Toronto. I just wished the place was my home that's all.

For some reason in my life there's always been this sense of temporary living situation. You can never fully get comfortable w/ people, or places, or things because things always change. That's sort of what I'm feeling yet again. ...and again. I'm not surprised by it, and I guess I should be used to it by now... but still. this feeling of home-lessness is never warm... this feeling of not being able to do what you want in a space is limiting me to a certain way of being...--> that <--... if you haven't been able to tell from this post.. I'm not really cool with. lol. ... but what can you do.

When life gives you lemons....

 In My Evolution by emilyking


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