Sunday, April 15, 2012

Writing it out.

they told me that writing it out can be healing,
but words don't know this dance.
they only know the dance between fingertips and keys. ... backspaces in too many spacebars.
they don't know this dance.

They don't know the dance between infatuation and love and perplexity that comes with breathing life in exhaling who we are, and inhaling peace of mind with someone in sync. They don't know how to hold hands and kiss sweetly in places, cheeks and foreheads without speaking. They don't know how to create butterflies inside heart ventricles and blood streams and convert them into timid smiles and akward laughters.

They only know how to hold fingertips and keys and let go and move on to the next one. ..for another key stoke. They only know how to move in repetitive monotonous motion.
they don't have the attention span that feelings do.

Writing is not feeling.
It is writing.

writing is only feeling in memory.
...memory is feeling.
writing is not healing.

maybe writing is memory's distant cousin in how they interact in proximity of feelings... but fall apart when feelings are gone.


if words knew the dance and cadences felt in the act of falling in love, then maybe they would hold their own weight in the memories I have of them in conversations I recall of him and I
but in writing this, ... the heaviness I feel is lopsided and it buldges at the sides.
It's awkward.
it is as ugly as it is beautiful
it is as salty as it is bitter
... and maybe as it should.

after all.
writing is not healing.
writing is writing. is not feeling.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

newsboy caps and stretched afros

I look suspicious.. lol.. for no reason. Disclaimer, I look like I'm smiling but at the time of this picture I was struggling semi-heavily with a wisdom tooth infection lol.. half my mouth is swollen. 

I haven't posted an updated pic of my hair, and its many stories, thought I'd share a pic or two.. that spoke short stories and such. I tend to play a lot with the front of my hair the most. I like updos for work, and when it rains or it's cold out.

Bouffon in the front ...

away from my face ...


pinned in the front, in random ways ... or not..

...Massive braid in the front... (which apparently according to a friend is my signature 'look')

or a quiet favorite... a newsboy cap! :)

(I would've smiled in this pic, but then... the mouth problems lol)... I haven't seen a lot of women rock the newsboy cap in a LONG time. ... I have a big head. big hair or not.. finding a hat has always been issue for me lol. When I was a teenager, when Pharell's frontin' video came out... 

I went on a hardcore hunt for a 'trucker hat'. I couldn't find a single store in Calgary that had a trucker hat that fit me. Until I went to leChateau. I discovered that that store was the only store that had hats that fit me lol,... and found an orange trucker hat!  ... why was I so hardcore on finding a trucker hat?...why you ask? ... well aside from the fact that Pharell is ridiculously goodlooking & awesome (i think my schoolgirl crush started when I saw this video), at 13ish I wanted to be the girl in the video lol. ...plain and simple. So I bought it. AND Rocked the hell out of it. (..I think lol).

... I've come a long way, from wanting to be like the girl on tv. lol. thankfully. I blame my upbringing and nerdy introverted ways. *high five*.

But hands up if you support newsboy cap hats making a comeback

*hands up in the aayyuurr*