Friday, April 29, 2011

p'tite soeur

[Random epiphany: I have as many girly shoes as I have sneakers... My friend lists are 50% men, 50% I realized this a few days ago. lol... I think it's sort of cool. This could mean that I'm either growing up or that I've reached some sort of balance.... either way I'm rolling it out.]

The other day, I managed to write something solid. I was inspired after listening to a spoken word piece by liza gara on Atmosphere's mixtape: "change of atmosphere"... :) ... (this song just does something to me)... Considering the fact that I've been feeling sort of home-sick for the past little bit, it's been nice to have my little sister around to talk to... walk around the city and be cute lol.

(in honour of my little sister coming to visit me, I had to post up this gem ^^)

Since I'm sort of waiting for life to kick-in full gear... I was thinking I should take the time to practice what I like. Writing and sketching and blogging... I can only write when I'm inspired... so I'll be looking for inspiration and be up in this more often.

I think in the midst of my hustle to finish school, I grew accustomed to early mornings. I wouldn't push it and say that I am now officially a morning person, but there's something really cool about being able to wake up early stretch, workout, meditate, pray, think, write... when no one else is up yet... give your spirit breakfast... let go of unwanted things in your mind, and feed your mind with good thoughts. ... I've been noticing that I feel more self-aware and my body feels good for the whole day... lol. So that's sorta cool.

A Conversation With: Asiyami Gold from Tamarcus Brown on Vimeo.

oh... and random love shout to anyone reading this... or the random souls around the world who care enough to bookmark/favourite/share/follow my strange fruit .... &read my ideas lol...(I see you)... Be a blessing to someone today/tonight :)

(strange fruit)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Rest in Peace

SHAD "I'll Never Understand" (feat. Bernadette Kab) by marrriones

The killers
You’ve invaded my nights
Singing your haunting lullaby
Drowning other voices
Sending me to sleep

You’ve awakened me many mornings
Like an unexpected alarm
Shattering my dreams
I’ve talked to you in tears and anger
Spat on you in rage
Whispered to you in sorrow
Tied you in chains
Thrown you in jail

I’ve pulled you out
Asked you many questions
Knowing there would be no answers...

I’ll never understand how flesh being torn apart feels
Or how after all this suffering a heart heals
On the rich green fields where they killed old and young
Cold and numb, under the light of a golden sun
It still stuns, tell me what possesses man
To, in anger, raise his hand?
I’ll never understand...

I tied you in chains
Again and again, round and round
Until the chains, in my dizziness
bound me to you
you and I becoming one!
Bound by the chains of hate
I knew then the choices to make...

I untied the chains
Letting go
Of those who converged on my dad
leaving him dead
I untied the chains
Letting go
Of those who propelled the grenade
Scattering my brother’s brains
I untied the chains
Letting go
Of those who knifed my sister’s throat
Leaving her begging for a better death

I untied the chains
Knowing the one who said to do it
Seventy times seven
Totally understands the depth of my pain...

I’ll never understand how people can go on and live
The miracle of finding the strength to forgive
To resurrect peace, to close up wounds so deep
they pierce souls beneath heart beats
To be a willful slave to a loving God’s commands
The key to a freedom that I’ll never understand.

.... Rest in Peace Orphee. ...

Sunday, April 24, 2011

People like me

normally rainy days tend to bring me into a mindset for writting and reflecting.. But before I slept the other night, I went to bed with the full intend of gallavanting the streets of toronto and going to value village and see if I can cop some gems... so naturally when I woke up to the sound of the rain, I crashed back into my bed, and didn't wake up till noon.

I wish someone wrote a poem for the socially awkward black girl
the alone most of the time but never lonely black girl
the 95% loner and 99% content with self black girl
or the funny but awkward black girl who's learning to love herself
the one who hasn't felt the anger and bitterness towards men..... (..not yet lol).... just some mild frustrations with life's timing sometimes lol

I wish there was a poem for her.

I wish someone would write a poem telling the world that they have stories too.
Ordinary stories that may lack glitter, but are honest. I wish someone would write one so I can be inspired and tell the world or someone, something about myself. that poem will serve as a prototype and reference point to remind myself that I'm not crazy for being comfortable with socializing once every blue moon. That I'm not crazy for being true to myself by remaining a private person... that I'm not crazy for having the values that I do, or sing and rap in the shower to my own beats like I do lol...

I wish a poem like that could be written to remind me everyday that I'm not crazy. To remind me that it's ok to dream, it's ok to just be. it's ok to be broke and exist within that. That it's ok to exist within the awkward part of normalcy...

if there were such a poem I would probably save it on my desktop and remind myself in the solitude of my blank walls and computer screen that somewhere in my lifestyle, there's someone just like you that exists somewhere in the world, wishing they weren't alone in their choices or in their way of thinking... or simply wishing they too weren't alone in this idea of being that kind of black girl.

... I would love to hear a poem and a story about that black girl... and maybe from that black girl.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Ready to Live

Somehow for the past 2 1/2 weeks I found myself floating in some sort of wave of happenings, some of which stemmed from my hard grind, and other waves of back-to-back blessings. I'm not sure if I've truly accepted the reality of where I'm at right now.... The only mental state that I've been on since I handed in the last essay of my undergrad is that "school's out for summer" #AliceCooper lol... and I'm excited to not have to force myself to read ideas about narrow-minded philosophers or force a billion essays out of my third eye... I'm ready to live. Simple. I'm ready to be able to actually read for fun again... ready to work somewhere that I genuinely care about, whether that comes now or later...

ready to live - part 1 from adam on Vimeo.

truthfully I am afraid... but I'm ready for this process. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself that I'll probablly be living worst than a student for a bit, until I pay off my student loans... and I've been praying... so I think I should be alright... I've been replaying this short part of a conversation I was having with my sister in my mind, and I remember myself telling her and being utterly convinced that "I can do anything" ... and that "I would hire me". Up until this conversation I had never thought about the idea that "I can do anything"... let alone proclaim it as truth through words and sounds. ... lol... Crazy thing is that I genuinely still feel that to be true about myself and my potential in this world. I am made up of greatness that I often think I don't deserve... but all that Greatness is all God's light, none of it is mine really lol... so, I owe it to God to be great.

Despite the fears, despite it all... I owe to much, and I know to much to let it rest. ... I'm ready to live. Blessed beyond believe. Dumbfounded at this life that I've been given to live and share with a few people.

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve" - Anonymous

(strange fruit)

Friday, April 8, 2011

LeBeat & LaCréole

Super MIA ... My neglect is due to my heavy grind. ... when I'm not dropping blog spots (<<...#SeeWhatIDidThere.. lol) I'm on Tumblr ...

Strange Fruit = LeBeat & LaCréole

(it's almost over!! Blog spots will be dropping soon!!)