Somehow for the past 2 1/2 weeks I found myself floating in some sort of wave of happenings, some of which stemmed from my hard grind, and other waves of back-to-back blessings. I'm not sure if I've truly accepted the reality of where I'm at right now.... The only mental state that I've been on since I handed in the last essay of my undergrad is that "school's out for summer" #AliceCooper lol... and I'm excited to not have to force myself to read ideas about narrow-minded philosophers or force a billion essays out of my third eye... I'm ready to live. Simple. I'm ready to be able to actually read for fun again... ready to work somewhere that I genuinely care about, whether that comes now or later...
truthfully I am afraid... but I'm ready for this process. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself that I'll probablly be living worst than a student for a bit, until I pay off my student loans... and I've been praying... so I think I should be alright... I've been replaying this short part of a conversation I was having with my sister in my mind, and I remember myself telling her and being utterly convinced that "I can do anything" ... and that "I would hire me". Up until this conversation I had never thought about the idea that "I can do anything"... let alone proclaim it as truth through words and sounds. ... lol... Crazy thing is that I genuinely still feel that to be true about myself and my potential in this world. I am made up of greatness that I often think I don't deserve... but all that Greatness is all God's light, none of it is mine really lol... so, I owe it to God to be great.
Despite the fears, despite it all... I owe to much, and I know to much to let it rest. ... I'm ready to live. Blessed beyond believe. Dumbfounded at this life that I've been given to live and share with a few people.
"Feed your faith and your fears will starve" - Anonymous