Wednesday, September 21, 2011

...and I wonder, if you know, what it means..

A vibe as soft as velvet... and warm like good memories.
Sometimes I truly do wonder how I got here.
- thoughts during #wombmanifesto

 Phonte – The Life Of Kings f. Evidence & Big K.R.I.T by ThaSmokeBreak

... working hard. busy body. ... I'm seeing wonders around me and I feel people look at me sometimes with a little bit of wonder and I do feel awkward because of it ...I know I'm awkward. ...and I'm coming to terms with it. (lol... slowly) ... Manifesto season is wrapping my being and bringing my mind, ideas and experience and adding another dimension to it. ... I'm in love with this blessing.

... and I wonder... if you know, what it means? ... what it means? ... to find your dreams..

 Kanye West - I Wonder by alex_i_k

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My Call Center Blues

There are 3 things I can honestly say I hate in life. In no particular order:
  1.  asking for anything, 
  2.  awkward phone conversations (beyond 10mins), 
  3.  asking for money.

I work at a call center to meet ends meet. ...and you guessed it!... all 3 of these things are currently very much a part of my life. But Wait!... it gets worse, my shifts are from 2pm - 11pm. (*sarcastic yaaaay*) ... (sigh). Today was interesting though, unlike my usual loner behavior (don't socialize outside your small cubicle and stare at the wall behind your computer screen and wait for the next call to come up, till I abort the suicide-mission), this older man from India would constantly peep onto my screen to check out my stats. I noticed it, and honestly didn't care cuz ...well.. you guessed it, I really don't give a sh!t. lol

 Mos Def w/ Lee Fields & The Expressions - Honey Beef (Steely Chan's Blender Mash) by Steely Chan

As the shift progressed, he kept asking me some questions. ...really generic questions at first. If I was a student, what I studied, why I'm working at a call center since I just graduated from University. ...I tried to be vague but the questions kept on coming and  the combination of being a horrible liar and multitasking the possibility of keeping up with a plausible lie and answering phone calls through my headset seemed too much of a challenge given my fatigue and apathy, so I decided to go towards the honest/open route. I told him about why as someone bilingual I settled into this call center w/ horrible hours, I told him about my upcoming opportunity abroad and my desperate need for quick cash, I told him my honest opinion as to why I think I got it, and what I hope to get with it.

He told me he thinks the entire education system in this country is messed up. He told me that he sincerely thinks it's useless. He didn't believe in the education system to prepare us for the real life. He too found it absurd to spend 5 years investing $50,000.00plus into an education and have none of it return to you after graduation. He believes that schools kills creativity.... He told me he believed in Passion, and following that passion and that joy. He told me he doesn't believe that money or fame bring joy but rather passion does.

... you get where this is going. ...the dude was spitting STRAIGHT knowledge. I meant to ask him questions too, but the conversation we were having was kinda deep considering I never told him what my name was. lol... I peeped his on his computer screen. (lol)... his name was Dinesh. I remember him telling me he was from India ...
I think the most memorable portion of our conversation was when I made a comment about my trouble of explaining to my parents about passion and the dead-endness of this rat-race for recent grads to follow the zombie-esqueness of 9-5s. He said:

"Even in this rat race.. you're still a rat" 
.......... like #pow

....(take it in)
I had NEVER thought about this up until he said it. and I swear I probably have had a conversation similar to this one with a lot of my close friends... but never saw it that way. ... it's oddly yet obviously eerie, dark and truthful. Though he was quite militantly against school and the education system beyond it's utility to teach us how the read and write. lol... I found it very hard to ignore most of his arguments. 
hmmm.. maybe this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship? lol

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Note-To-Self: Write Everyday... Write something. Every Day.

I will Write every day.
I will Write every Day.
I will Write Every day.
I will write something.
I will write SOMETHING
Every DAY

I'm clearly struggling with this. (lol)... Hence why I keep talking about this. ... But just ran into this on tumblr, and I'm going to try my hardest to make it a priority until I leave this country. To anyone struggling w/ something similar out there. This post is dedicated to you :)

1. Commit to writing for at least two hours every day. (Why? Because 1½ to 2 hours is the maximum that most of us can endure mentally and physically before needing a break.) So write for at least 90 minutes without getting up from your chair. Seriously. No breaks, no distractions, no getting everything else done first. And especially no e-mail and Facebook.

2. Write every day for two weeks. For most of us, that is enough to make it a habit. And I promise that if you do this, you’ll find out how much more productive you become as a writer. Try it.

3. What to do when you have holidays to observe and celebrate? Or when you are too ill to write? Or when you can’t possibly find even 90 minutes in your day to write? That is when you must write even 15 minutes each day. No matter how tired or busy or even sick you are, write 15 minutes each day. Here’s why this works:

-  The hardest part of writing is getting started. We amateurs procrastinate minutes, hours, and days. (The pros – some of the best and most prolific writers – report procrastinating weeks and even years.) We’re afraid we won’t have anything to write. We’re afraid that what we write will be terrible. We’re afraid we’re not up to the real pain that good writing requires. For some of us, it’s only when the pain of what we would lose by not writing – fellowships, degree completion, book contracts, jobs – feels more real than the pain of actually writing that we even begin to write.

- If you make yourself write 15 minutes a day, you have overcome the biggest hurdle – getting started. I’ve never known anyone with the goal of writing 15 minutes a day actually limit writing to just  that 15 minutes. Once you start, I promise you won’t watch the clock. You’ll write for 30, 60, even 90 minutes before you realize it. (The trick is that you tell yourself you only have to write for 15 minutes and that you can endure anything for that long. Once you start to write, the anxiety will begin to disappear and you’ll write longer.)

- Writing everyday contributes to continuity of your thinking and generating the ideas you need to write. Your mind will function differently when you write every day. We all think about our writing every day. But the cognitive processes involved in writing are different from those involved in thinking. Your project moves forward when you write… even if you write a gosh-awful first draft


Monday, September 12, 2011

Shake The Dust (doc)

Shake the Dust / The Making Of from Loose Luggage on Vimeo.

Ran into this mini-doc preview. Looks awesome.... Right now I'm less than a week away from Manifesto... and the office is crazy. My personal life is a little bonkers. Preparing to go abroad.. Trying to stack my little bits and pieces of pesos... Trying to have meaningful conversations with people to brew some ideas and write some shit. lol... and really make it legendary.

But I think the best part out of this whole thing is that I'm doing what I love.. in every way. and Somehow I've managed to do exactly what I wanted to do. I spent my saturday with a friend we walked everywhere laughed at our quiet yet loud state of singleness while walking along the waterfront lol.. (#loafofbread) ...goals, drives ambitions & purpose. It was dope. ... then we ended it off with ice cream by little Italy. 

I love the vibe and the approach of this doc because it explores communities that I don't think have been approached in terms of hiphop and youth within their culture. ..Well at least in terms of what is presented in the Media. ...Yemen, Haiti, Kampala.. :) ... #yes. One day, I sincerely hope that I'll be able to do something like this... not a hiphop doc but rather a documentary that's well rounded and shows something that hasn't really been shown before. I have a map of ideas that I want to explore through film and social media. I've shared this idea with a selected few and I blessed to have witnessed excitement in their faces and smiles when they heard my idea. ...I just hope that it happens. lol.. I hope that I somehow find the time, financial means and network to make it happen though... (In God's name I pray.... amen lol)

#highfive for creativity
#highfive for spreading love through HipHop. 

Peace & Love.

Monday, September 5, 2011

I look uncomfortable right? ... that's because I AM.

Why this picture you ask. Because right now everything is chaotic. I just moved into this new appartment with a family friend. ... Do I like it? ... no. to be frank (it took a lot of self reflection and endless self rants and out-loud rants to accept this as fact) ... Why did I move?  ... because I had to (lease was up, couldn't be homeless lol) .. There are a number of reasons why I'm really not feeling this place for reasons I will sort of keep to myself.

I have so many things going on right now... I need a time out. A 2 day retreat somewhere by a body of water where I can not listen to anything or anyone just water and nature. No blackberry, not even an ipod... maybe my sketchbook and a pencil.... maybe one of my books. I need some sort of escape area where I can sit out and not do or be anything and just ... be. Maybe have a really good conversation w/ a person or two about something random but important yet interesting. It's not very much to ask (if you ask me).

 Down by emilyking

My quiet place used to be a bench by the waterfront (downtown toronto)... then I moved and it became my balcony at dawn, but now it doesn't exist anymore... I suppose I could go by the waterfront tomorrow morning... but I'm not sure how realistic that is since it's supposed to pour (yet again)... plus now I'm farther from downtown. The one thing I do like about this place is the view. It's overlooking a major highway (maybe the 401?) ... some large area w/ some lots of trees ... plus a little bit of downtown Toronto. I just wished the place was my home that's all.

For some reason in my life there's always been this sense of temporary living situation. You can never fully get comfortable w/ people, or places, or things because things always change. That's sort of what I'm feeling yet again. ...and again. I'm not surprised by it, and I guess I should be used to it by now... but still. this feeling of home-lessness is never warm... this feeling of not being able to do what you want in a space is limiting me to a certain way of being...--> that <--... if you haven't been able to tell from this post.. I'm not really cool with. lol. ... but what can you do.

When life gives you lemons....

 In My Evolution by emilyking


Sunday, September 4, 2011

Once upon a time transitioning: ...I got options


soooo my hair does a lot of things. Pic number 1 is a braid out updo... pic number 2 is a blowout a couple of days later ... I like that I never get bored with my hair. Frustrated.. sometimes YES (like right now I really wanna put in braids within the next month or so, I need a break). I figured I'd do a post about the strechyness of 'african hair' ... it's really quite awesome actually. For anyone out there who cares about my hair type lol.. I think it's a "type 4a/b/z?" with random patches of "type3" a couple places? ... that's all I wanted to say really. lol.

Peace & Love.