Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Manmie...


Hi mom,

I want to tell you that that I really meant to call you yesterday… and the day before that. But I got caught up and I’m sorry. I know that you will not always be around… but please know that I care. It is a joy to be called your daughter … it is an honour to have been birthed through you. It is an honour to have been nurtured by your ways and fed by your hands and taught your ways.
Please know that I am grateful. (1:02 am – 18/11/11)
Sometimes I get busy. Sometimes I get too busy to call you and check up and see how you’re doing … not only as a mother of 5 beautiful children… but also as wife … as a person as human being. Sometimes I get too busy making sure the outcome of my hustle make your heart smile … and I forget that it is in the subtleties and small acts that fuel fire to your fight to be here.
Immigrant petite Haitian woman.. Strong, random quiet /loud when needed but warm when my spirit needs it the most. You left your home to be here in the cold for a better future for your children. Know that I remember your ways, habits annoying or not. lol.. know that I miss them all. know that I memorize the creases and folds of your face when your frowned in dismay or disaproval of some of my actions, words or attitudes. ...know and trust that God is shapping me into ways I'm sure will please your heart.
(1:24 AM – 18/11/11)

I'm not sure where you find the strength to be as great as you are. I gage that it is super-human... maybe something borrowed along the lines of your own mother and father and those before them. I gage that this strength ... and has been passed on to you like it has now passed on to me.

I'm learning to be strong like you mom... (I'm trying)...

Mom I want to tell you that yesterday I cried tears of joy at the feeling of peace I felt you had when I left you that random voicemail, asking you how you were doing. I hope you believe when I say, I'll try to do better... I will be better, and call you more. I know that it is in your nature to worry, rightfully so, but please don't let these thoughts take too much space in your mind... you deserve more than what I sometimes give you. You deserve more than this.

I smell a promise being made in exercising who I am (and I'm still figuring out what that is)...

(3:04 AM - 18/11/11)


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