Saturday, October 16, 2010
First things first...
When I came back from CFSW2010, I wanted to write a poem to present myself to the world,And I didn’t know where to begin. My parents named me Yasmine [pronounced as: *yasss*mean*]. Arabic and Persian of origin, Meaning: Jasmine flower. In my first class on my first day of school, when I didn't know how to speak english, in grade 7, as my teacher was doing attendance, when she got to my name she couldn't pronounce the "S" sound in yasssmean .. and kept saying yaz*meen*, and I tried to correct her several times. (by several I really mean 6 plus times)... but she just couldn't quit, so I settled for Yaz*min' and held a light grudge for a few years, ... [but I digress]. So people started calling me Yazmin' ...One day my cousin called me "Yaz"... and then somehow... it just stuck.
I was born in the land that hosted revolutions, inspired the world, and sparked change and revolutions throughout the world:... Ayiti ... (Haiti)
Though I don’t consider myself to be a revolutionary ...in the traditional sense of the word. Because I’m not very loud.
I find myself to be awkward a good chunk of the times, because I tend to either have alot of things on my mind...
Like English, French and Creole infused with my life story are all fighting to express the thoughts that spark inside my head.
And like any war, socio-political pressures... thousands are left dead.
Innocent thoughts are murdered before reaching my synapses, their home...my head.
And I am left to morn this loss...
So I’m left Quiet... baffled.. and lost in translation.
hocus pocus-equilibre by space escape
Today I tried to start writting again, and all I got was this post.
... I tried to start and I got different starts. I started to scribble and write about transitioning... then stopped. Then I tried writting about something deeper. ..then I stopped... cuz it wasn't good enough.. but it's a start.
Le Portrait // Hocus Pocus ft Elodie Rama by Élodie Rama
Today I wanted to write something epic. I realized the other day that it's been a year since I started this blog. And so... it is... I decided that God willing I have time, I'm going to share a few secrets with the world, in a series of posts to come...let's just say it's a way for me to pain outloud like my heroes... and be honest with myself.
I got a good name. (Shad) ...There was a jasmine tree in my house in Haiti. And the beauty of it was that you could only smell it at night. ...maybe that's why I'm not a morning person lol. ..*shrug*. .. Beyond the fact that my names means a tree, and that according to google it is attributed to "pretty, gentle and free-spirited people"... I'm trying to find purpose in my existence... I think my name was given to me justfully. I want to bring justice to my exhistence. I want to make my parent's struggle worth it. I want my sleepless nigts, and all the tears that shed for me to be here... to be worth the fall.
I want to live a life worth living, because my blessings have already told me it's worth fighting for. I want God to smile when he narrates my story. I don't want to live for myself because I think my purpose and my utter existence is beyond just me. ...beyond just.us. I want to see the world.... My heroes have the heart to loose the life they want to live..
So this post serves as a note-to-self. ...First things first. My name is Yasmine...(note to self: justice.just is. just be. just.love)...
and you are?...