"I'm trying to phonetically sound out these thoughts but I can't decipher words... these words that will effectively cohere together to project enough imagery to convey a vision and enough sound to project direction" - Me (Nov.27th.2009 @ 1:20 am)
... it's been almost a year since I last wrote this in my sketchbook. Funny how nothing's changed.
Sara Bareilles - Gravity by marimarister
So right now my schedule is pure Chaos. Funny how this time last year I was praying for something to have on my schedule other than school, and now that I have it, it's not as sweet as gravy as I thought.
David Banner & 9th Wonder featuring Ludacris & Marsha Ambrosius - Be With You by Hypetrak
On February 7th, 2010 at 4:05pm I scribbled the following:
I think I'm afraid to shine. I'm tall. 5'9, with the heels I like to wear sometimes, I'm easily at least 5'11 amost 6'0 feet tall. Growing up, my height was my insecurity, so I never walked tall. Always leaning in to take pictures to adjust to other people's heights... lol I think it's almost like it was a metaphor for how I came to be. Trying to please people... But I always LOVED heels. I remember some instances where everything in me wanted to wear heels but I didn't want to be the giant... the awkward giant. The other thing that didn't help with my self-esteem was my severe acne problem.
But years have passed since then. Most of these insecurities have passed. But every once in a while, it creeps back, and I slump... and don't walk tall. I like to be comfortable with any and everything I wear (including heels). "Modeling" for the few times I've been granted the opportunity to, taught me that even if you don't have the confidence, then just fake it... and eventually it'll grow on you. Maybe they're right. I wish I didn't have to think about walking tall... and just DID... just did without thinking.
I feel most myself when I'm being silly, crack jokes, make fun of myself, dress down or up in the company of loved ones. ...and by loved ones I mean people with whom, int he comfort of time I managed to get less tense around and I eventually felt enough comfort to just BE.
I feel a lot more at peace with myself these days... I AM. I guess when I think about it, that means I'm growing :) .... so I'm blessed. and find comfort in knowing that I am highly favored.
The Floacist presents Floetic Soul by djbigdose
So I've decided to be a movement.
I may not have the words to formulate where I'm going. ... my vision my be blurry, but it's there. I'm aiming to be an influencer."brands are established by doing great things... by being consistent". If I am my own brand.. then I'm going to keep being consistent... whatever I'm going to do, I'm going to do it carefully, and with love. The gift of life, is the gift of choice... the ability to be in charge of creating myself and my brand. ...and I think so far...what God has allowed me to create is beautiful.
With that being said... 100th post .. blog makeover ... inspiration for you... inspiration for me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that what I'm doing right now is the right thing, when I'm comfortable in it. ...No matter how much I can't answer the question of my direction, when I express myself in a variety of different things, whether it's in what I wear, or what I listen to, what I say, the projects I'm involved in.
"The tipping point is the biography of an idea... and the idea is very simple.. ideas and products, messages and behaviors spread just like viruses do.... "
100 posts + an array of ideas, feelings and concerns + and life ... has lead to this tipping point.