Monday, February 14, 2011

Blank page and Flashing Cursor

I’ve been going through a drought of ideas. Blank white page and a flashing cursor have asked me what my purpose for writing was, and I couldn’t find words appropriate enough to convey what I wanted my Valentine's day post to be. So I just went with it...

You see... I am a work in progress ... And sometimes feel insecure at being “incomplete”.

What do people mean when they say: "you complete me"? Does that mean that their personal growth has stopped? ... Does it mean that they accepted that they could never be happy with themselves? ... *shrug* I don’t believe in the idea that someone can complete another. Though I believe in love, I also feel that it is important to first love yourself for who you are and feel complete within yourself first. I think this feeling of being complete is perfection which is impossible to achieve, so I’ve embraced being this work in progress (which in itself is a work in progress lol). As a few posts on my blog have suggested, my goal this year is to fully embrace everything about this growth. ... and to love whole-heartedly.

I’m ok with the fact that my growth capacity is loading at the speed that it is... lol. (sometimes I feel like I'm the only PC left in a sea of Macintoshes.... (did you get the wordplay?? I'm still loading... work in progress? computer? pc/mac? lol #highfive!!!) ...but I digress)

APRICOT — A Short Film by Ben Briand from Moonwalk Films on Vimeo.

Like I said... DROUGHT of ideas.... specifically ideas worth writing about or sharing. I think this feeling is also matted with the uncertainty that holds in the next 3 months after I receive my expensive university receipt. So at 4pm I stared at the blank page of my laptop in an attempt to write about what's going on and here's what I got:

A flashing cursor amidst nothing but the vastness of a blank page can find ways to ask you questions you dare not ask yourself, if you let it.

So in my solitude I admitted the accusing cursor 5 truths.
The first is that the first man I ever loved is my dad
The second is that I find men in well fitted suits sexy (weakness = the tie! Lol)
The third is that I am slightly concerned about the unconscious vibes I send to people
The fourth is that I have yet to find a viable reason for me to get my license. I'm ok with that. lol
The fifth is that I really do believe that my love is God, because God is love. (“there is a light that shines special for you and meee”) ... common sense

"Let Love and Faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart... then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man" - Proverbs 3:2-4

Strange Fruit

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