Thursday, March 17, 2011

"No Name"

I don't know how to explain my tendency to isolate myself into my room and not shower or brush my teeth, for days on end, and other countless all-nighters and get my shit done but I do. For the past little while I've been on my grind. I recognize that it wasn't easy to force my third eye to see and understand what was being presented to me, whether it be through my readings in my classes, small initiatives, and my volunteering, but somehow I find a way to go through it all alive. Oftentimes or at least for the past little while, I've really been questioning myself, and how I'm going to piece together parts of what I love into a single thing or picture that will make me happy. ... and I think I get it now. ... not totally but I think I'm starting to make sense of it.

I don't think I should strive for a way to fit everything that I love into one project... or one job as much as I should focus on having faith in God, and have faith in myself and the gifts that I've been given.... and just BE. I suspect that my tendency to want to pile everything into one thing, and knowing how to do that comes from me being part of this "now generation", and wanting to know everything now. .... I need to keep calm & make it work lol...

I was thinking about it the other day, when I first moved into this city I used to be afraid of wasting my hellos and my nods and smiles to strangers or people that I met (who then ignored me on the streets afterwards)... but I realized that even if it's not being reciprocated, I'm being myself, and I should just roll with it... lol

I was thinking... maybe I should apply this same focus... this same drive, fire, intense dedication to not only my work, but also all other parts of me... I want my state of mind to start wearing this drive so that it could be sifted into all other areas of myself... not just my work. I don't want to find a name for what this idea or this "drive" is, because I feel it'll narrow it to that word. (I have slight problem with words, and how we name things... it can feel like that thing that's named is subject to and limited the meaning of that word, and once it challenges that word, then people look at it funny lol) ... So I won't name this idea but I will summon this claim into existence through my penmanship in this post and fold into a prayer...

I think may have a problem with feeling limited...

(Strange Fruit)

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