Once upon a time... transitioning (pt.3)

" I want to bask in a legacy so bright, that it'll make slavery seem insignificant. And together we use our truth to pay tribute to his and herstories and give credit where it is due. Tribute to the women whose skintones range from mahogany to onyx whose hair coils stretch for days like legs of models on runways. "

- LeBeatLaCréole (May2nd2011, 3:09pm)

Before:

- "I don't get it? ... why are you doing this"
- "But you look sooo much better with straight hair"
- "You know you're going to get a relaxer soon"
- " As long as your hair is like corinne bailey rae then it's ok... if it looks niggerish then don't do it"
- "gadé éta cheve pitit la... poukisa ou pa mété pèmanant nan cheve'w??" (look at the state of your hair...I don't get it... why don't you put a relaxer in your hair?)

After:

- "OMG I love love love your hair" x 100
- "*gasp*" x4

Last time I checked I am not my hair... I never was, and refuse to have my identity reduced to my hair or my face or my body. But it's strange how people react to it...it's strange how I used to react to it... It's strange how it changes you... it makes you understand the world and yourself more and more. lol.

Chevys & Space Ships by Stalley330
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I remember my mother sitting me between her legs and slaving away at my hair as kid. lol... I remember vividly one day when she broke all 3 combs that she had trying to comb my hair and getting frustrated... I was 9. lol. ...this whole transitioning thing is interesting to say the least.

Yesterday my brother said he liked my hair... and that it suit me. That is the first and only good thing he's ever said to me about my hair since I decided to transition a little over a year ago. Though I've been harlem-spazzing in my head about this... the reality of the matter still bothers me. I keep thinking about: "what if I listened to what people were saying about my hair?" ... "what if I didn't listen to my gut feeling?"... "what if I didn't do what felt right to me?" ...I would've been the biggest fool in the world. I was conscious about the fact that I was going to be alone in my process... and in terms of my family I would be alone in the idea. I would be the only person doing it. (thankfully my twin decided to join in a couple months into it) ... Eventually my mom stop hating.. eventually one of cousins started to do it... eventually.

It's funny because, going into this I never expected my style to transition and my mindset to transition as my hair was. I'm sure not everyone comes out of 'transitioning' alive and 'self-aware' ... but I personally can testify that my coils have brought me these superpowers. lol... I can't explain it, but it does something to your being when you publicly acknowledge the fact that you don't look like people on the magazines. It's funny what transitioning does to your mentality... maybe it's because it's close to your head for that very reason.

It's strange how transitioning changes how you wear yourself.

(^ some of my late night sketches lol)

Strange (midnight) Fruits

Once upon a time... transitioning (pt.2)

Sooo, I love my hair... yes granted it has its awkward days where it doesn't feel well. There are days when it's acting like a 14 year old teenager with raging hormones, but this whole 'transitioning thing' is exactly that. It's growing it's acting out, ragging hormones, unrully, stubborn, acne-like-awkward and all that kind of madness. But it's growing... Sure right now it looks a bit awkward, but I've managed to always find a way to make it work regardless. Even if the folds of some of its coils are poking out a few places... and it absorbs conditionner like a teenager would to a bag of chips... that's what makes it happy. So I please it, and somehow in return, I'm being taught.




I'm being taught to listen. To pay attention to how it's reacting to everything I give it... Through patience, we're both learning discipline. Eventually this 'transitioning thing' will end... and it'll be one huge set of hair on my head, and by then I think my strands will understand what it means to do what I say. .... (at least I hope so lol)....

Today I blow-dried my hair... and it was huge. It looked like chaos, war and roses. I loved the mess. The strange fruit of it all is that I found a sense of piece of mind about it all. ... I felt content. Not sure if it's a one-day-only feeling, but i'm feeling it more and more each day. I am blessed ladies and gents.

I got a feeling...

Blu - So Perfect (prod. Exile) by mmmikeyt

The other day, I woke up and I can't remember what I had to do that day but I remember walking out of the house feeling beautiful. Everything about my hair, my skin, what I managed to accomplish with my clothes, was just good. I walked outside feeling simple, not at all conceited but feeling blessed that God gave me the spirit and the body wrapped up into what is me. I felt confident in how and who I was. It was random but it was kind of cool. That feeling was like a high that lasted a couple of hours, and then it faded into the background of my being. lol...

I tried to figure out the reason behind this random feeling. Funny thing is that I don't think transitioning is the reason for it. I think I always had those moments but I just never thought about these moments, until I started to think about being. (makes sense?). It's almost like I'm looking at myself outside of myself. Strange Fruit of the week.

John Legend & The Roots "SHINE" (Re-imagined by Ahmed Sirour) by Ahmed S.

While I'm at it, I guess I could give an update on my hair: My braids are dreading. lol.. I think it's that time where it needs to come off. But I've solved the scalp situation I had going on, and my hair seems to have improved dramatically, and so has my routine. Pretty happy with it, I'm just praying that I can actually undo the dreading action that's going on under there. For some reason I have this feeling that I may be frustrated enough to just big chop before new years or something drastic and random like that, but we'll see lol.

Hocus Pocus - Mr tout le monde by Manuel Orkestar

I finally finished the 1st draft of my project. The easy fun part is coming now, and I get to enjoy my break! I found a DOPE 100 best Native Tongues songs from Complex mag! I found out Lauryn Hill is coming to Toronto a few days before my birthday!

Ran into the trailer for this movie feat. Liya Kebede, which I NEED to watch as soon as it comes out.

Desert Flower (Wüstenblume) - Trailer English from MajesticFilm on Vimeo.

And here's a mini-short film I just ran into. It's the story of a man who started his own suit company in NY. It's kinda cool.

Lessons from a Tailor. Directed by Galen Summer from Ed David on Vimeo.

Once upon a time... transitioning.

Somewhere between paying my credit card, and gathering last minute things for my new room (sheets, curtains,carpet ect.) I fell into this state of mine. I've been taking pictures of myself, and my hair, to record this process of transitioning from relaxed hair to "natural". ...and in the process I'm learning to love myself. Some people might argue that I don't have to go "natural" to love myself... And I agree!.. but that's the way that suits me, therefore that's the route I chose. ...I chose it because to love myself in my "natural" state... is to love myself in my "simplest" ...minus the materialism I choose to clothe my body with.



To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm quite there, but I'm trying. I'm trying to love the fact that God gave me stubborn hair. God gave me THICK hair... Long legs. Teeth. brown eyes.. and a working heart. ...ALL of which I am VERY thankful for. ... I'm trying really hard, but believe me it's NOT easy. ...and the very fact that it's not easy is what's making me as furious as my hair, and more determined to make it to the end.



...I'm finding out a lot of awkward things about myself, both physically and in my personality, and I'm in the process of loving each and every single one...

...


Transitioning
... A process that I'm finding to be very much humbling. Almost like I'm being broken... and somewhat being child-like. To simply accept things as true without questioning them. Simple... statements like "I am not my hair" ... I am not my hair. I am not my hair. .... I am not my clothes. ... I simply am. I AM. ... in the words of the great Saul Williams I am a spirit encased in flesh and the frame God chose to embellish my soul is my body. ... and as time is going by each day, I'm learning to love it. I'm mad at the fact that it's a process because I've inherited a legacy of Neo-Colonialism/ Hyper-Consumerism/ Fast-Generation/Capitalism... This slaveship is a mental one. ... it's a problem. And I guess I'm addressing it.


...maybe that's what they meant when they said that "it's all mental".

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH....

On another tip. School starts tomorrow. Running my last lap for my undergrad... and God-willing finishing it up STRONG. ...Less Blogging (probably)... Less Facebook. More face time with my books. More library sleepovers. More knowledge. More anxiety. More debt (*sarcastic yaaay*)... Class of 2011. LET's GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!



Oh on another other tip. Tomorrow: Manifesto: ArtReach Youth Arts Pitch Contest + Live Artist Showcase. ArtReach Toronto, in partnership with Manifesto, City of Toronto Cultural Services and Toronto Community Housing presents the annual Pitch Contest. 9 lucky sbumissions will be chosen to pitch their ideas live. (apparently Michaelle Jean will be there!!.. one of her last appearances as GG.) ...It's an invite only event. ...feels pretty exclusive. Should be awesome :) ...Before you start thinking I'm awesome for being exclusive.. I didn't get invited either. lol.. But I do think I'm sorta-kinda awesome cuz I'm volunteering at it.... BOOOOOH-YAAAA!!




P.S. >>> I'm listening to J.Period & Spike Lee's & Micheal Jackson: "Man or the Music (40 Acres edition)" Mixtape right now, and so should you!! .... Click and Download. ...
...Yes. You're welcome :)