Somewhere between paying my credit card, and gathering last minute things for my new room (sheets, curtains,carpet ect.) I fell into this state of mine. I've been taking pictures of myself, and my hair, to record this process of transitioning from relaxed hair to "natural". ...and in the process I'm learning to love myself. Some people might argue that I don't have to go "natural" to love myself... And I agree!.. but that's the way that suits me, therefore that's the route I chose. ...I chose it because to love myself in my "natural" state... is to love myself in my "simplest" ...minus the materialism I choose to clothe my body with.
To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm quite there, but I'm trying. I'm trying to love the fact that God gave me stubborn hair. God gave me THICK hair... Long legs. Teeth. brown eyes.. and a working heart. ...ALL of which I am VERY thankful for. ... I'm trying really hard, but believe me it's NOT easy. ...and the very fact that it's not easy is what's making me as furious as my hair, and more determined to make it to the end.
...I'm finding out a lot of awkward things about myself, both physically and in my personality, and I'm in the process of loving each and every single one...
...
Transitioning ... A process that I'm finding to be very much humbling. Almost like I'm being broken... and somewhat being child-like. To simply accept things as true without questioning them. Simple... statements like "I am not my hair" ... I am not my hair. I am not my hair. .... I am not my clothes. ... I simply am. I AM. ... in the words of the great Saul Williams I am a spirit encased in flesh and the frame God chose to embellish my soul is my body. ... and as time is going by each day, I'm learning to love it. I'm mad at the fact that it's a process because I've inherited a legacy of Neo-Colonialism/ Hyper-Consumerism/ Fast-Generation/Capitalism... This slaveship is a mental one. ... it's a problem. And I guess I'm addressing it.
...maybe that's what they meant when they said that "it's all mental".
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH....
On another tip. School starts tomorrow. Running my last lap for my undergrad... and God-willing finishing it up STRONG. ...Less Blogging (probably)... Less Facebook. More face time with my books. More library sleepovers. More knowledge. More anxiety. More debt (*sarcastic yaaay*)... Class of 2011. LET's GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh on another other tip. Tomorrow: Manifesto: ArtReach Youth Arts Pitch Contest + Live Artist Showcase. ArtReach Toronto, in partnership with Manifesto, City of Toronto Cultural Services and Toronto Community Housing presents the annual Pitch Contest. 9 lucky sbumissions will be chosen to pitch their ideas live. (apparently Michaelle Jean will be there!!.. one of her last appearances as GG.) ...It's an invite only event. ...feels pretty exclusive. Should be awesome :) ...Before you start thinking I'm awesome for being exclusive.. I didn't get invited either. lol.. But I do think I'm sorta-kinda awesome cuz I'm volunteering at it.... BOOOOOH-YAAAA!!
P.S. >>> I'm listening to J.Period & Spike Lee's & Micheal Jackson: "Man or the Music (40 Acres edition)" Mixtape right now, and so should you!! .... Click and Download. ... ...Yes. You're welcome :)
... The Second is John Legend & The Roots - Shine. ... (I could only find this live performance on youtube).
It's Getting Colder, Fall came witout giving me any kind of notice. It went straight to eviction. :( ... After grooving off that vibe... and listening to Zo! and Phonte's: "Greater than the Sun"...
I decided to post a scribble I scribbled not too long ago, about my love for the sun. lol.
What is Greater than the sun? What is greater than the silent laughter of each beaming sunray on our backs Almost as if to make a mockery of the struggle we make for ourselves
What is Greater than the smile of morning dew and the chants of the wind as it dances with each leaf so carefully so
nothing shines brighter than that
What shines brighter than this meticulous orchestra? What is greater than the sun? What is greater than leading the world's orchestra? To let each part living to play their part
I am greatful for the sun, I am greatful to bask in daw's beaming morning rays Alsmost as if God understood the real meaning behind our dreams ...and rather than to awake us abruptly from our slumber chooses to embrace it. Rephrase it and bring meaning to our days
(one of the performers at Toronto's upcoming Manifesto festival)... If you didn't know... know you know :)
Pharoahe Monch
The Foreign Exchange
........... Voicing Voice is important... Art is important. It's important to hear stories. To remember people who you see on TV, online, in music, are just that. ...their people, no matter their fame, no matter their status. People are people, and we fail a good portion of the time. lol... and I think we are built flawed individually, which is why no man is an island. and We need each other. ...We need community.
I like to hear artists stories about their work. I'm sure it's one thing to do their artistry and get paid. ...but everyone knows that as soon as money comes in ... everything changes. So the compromise that often happens. ... I think to sacrifice artistry is to sacrifice yourself. If your art is real, then your artistry is at its utmost sincerity and ultimately you and therefore real. Then when you compromise its production and creation then you're ultimately compromising yourself, and so simultaneously destroying the artist and its artistry. no sure if it makes sense.
Competing poets final huddle before game time... Check.
Lights get dimmed. Check.
The judges are selected, by Dwayne Morgan. At one point he heads towards our table, asks us if we know any of the poets that are performing tonight. Since I knew most of the Ottawa poets, and my other friend David from Toronto, I get De---Nied. lol... and so do my new water and banana bread friends.
Prufrock spits his peace as the sacrificial poet... and audience members like myself who are not too too familiar with slams get a sense of how the competition will work out. All the poets compete and first round 10 get cut. 2nd round top 7 are selected. last round top 3 are announced. The judging from the scores Prufrock gets, gives me a sense that these judges might be a little hard to win over.
here we, here we go...
The range of poets that begin to bless the mic start performing. They perform pieces ranging from any and everything from Dark topics like Rape, to Hip-Hop, to black Struggle, to the love of blackberries, to womanhood. It is apparent from the first round that winning this will depend on 2 things. 1) the poet's expertise... 2) the Judges. Some of which even got booo-ed from the audience for some of their harsh scores. I could distinguish the newbies from the pros from their overall performance. I realize that for a good chunk of their scores seem to be 60% performance (whether its shown through personality, tone) and 40% content. Also if the content resonates in the heart of the audience and or the judges.
There were poets hailing from Vancouver, Ottawa, Toronto, Buffalo, some other places in the states.The show continues... lines get spit. Alot of which earn snaps... and OOOhing sounds from the audience. The amount of talent that was in the room was just ridiculous!! ... It's one thing to read carefully crafted words on paper, by spoken word artists such as these, and it's a different thing to perform it, and breath life into those words. The realness where these words were birthed need to be on stage, when it comes alive... and I think that's what makes spoken word so beautiful. It's art. I was inspired. awed and speechless. ... and soaked it all in like a sponge.
Results: I forgot the name of the winner lol.. but he's from the states and all I know was that it was well deserved! runner up: Ian, following him was Ikenna. Ottawa repped HAAARRRDDD.
It was strange for me have witnessed all of this. To witness what goes on off-stage and then see them rip it offf on stage.. and then talk to them afterwards. ... lol.... I don't know... maybe somewhere in my head I didn't think they were human, like the words they spoke were so out of this world, that no normal human being would ever be able to craft vowels and consonants so strategically almost as if to paint images to the world using nothing but air... and voice. Proops to their creative genius.
It was a blessing to be part of it. To be there, to hear and feel all of it, and breath it in and be inspired. I need to write more.
The next day, I wake up early, to meet up with Ian & Komi, Ikenna, PrufRock (most of which I had never met prior to my arrival) at Rideau Mall. On the drive there I get my only sense of what Ottawa seems like, and I got to see the parliament building for literally 5 seconds lol. ...but I was awed by its architecture nonetheless, and made a mental note to come back in get a fuller sense of the city.
I arrive at the mall, say my goodbyes to my cousins and uncle. And welcome and greet everyone. I will be completely and honest and admit, that though I was looking forward to bus ride because it cost me less than a greyhound ticket, and also because I knew Ian was 'cool peoples' and would assume everyone else would be too. After a bit of a wait, we finally get on our way. Ian names me the Dj of the ride... and so it begins.
I wasn't sure which track to start playing, or what they would all enjoy... I will admit I have songs, that may cause a "wtf" reaction after considering the different line-up of artists I have on my ipod (but it's my ipod and it's me, so I don't care, but still..) ...And since I never mastered the art of 1st impressions, I settle to start it off with The new track of: The Foreign Exchange: Maybe She'll Dream of me (see my past post). Everyone starts to nod their heads, I get asked where/how I got a hold of the track, and smile and giggle internally and think to myself: "this is going to be sooo coool!" lol.
What followed was alot of jokes, alot of in depth Hip Hop Talk, Music talk, Emcee talk, Playing then rewinding dope lines from dope tracks. And shaking our heads at the madness of the coherency. AAHH (of course Monster was one of the tracks!)... Everyone's ipod got a fair listen/head-bob during the ride. I was taking it in. So I was quiet.
During the car ride a reoccuring theme would come to be talking about the spoken word pieces that these poets had prepared. It was obvious from how they were talking that they had been doing this for a while. I felt very awkward being there, for many reasons. For one, I was the only female in the car, and my womanly-senses were tingling, second though I wrote pieces, had performed 3 times ever in my life... I was below the level of a newbie. I wasn't too sure how to react, or what to say, but I loved listening to every word. To paint you a picture it was as if these guys were sketching out their game plan, and working on their game faces before their official face offs. It reminded me of my High School Rugby Practice, My track&Field conditioning, and my dance practices. .... I was in awe. It was like heavyweights talking about taking a championship. Some real' heavy-hard-coreness. It felt as though I was a fly on the wall, in a boys locker room... I felt like I was intruding for just being there.. but I found it interesting, I took it all innn, it was almost like a preamble to prep me for what to expect from my first official slam experience.
I made the mistake of drinking sodium-infused no-name water prior to leaving Ottawa, a decision I came to regret, after I prayed we would make the next stop. Let's just say my bladder wasn't very impressed. ...oh did I mention neither were my legs, since I decided to wear shorts. ...it was raining almost the WHOLE time I was in Ottawa, including on the ride back. ...thankfully the AC wasn't on blast, otherwise I would've died.
smh
After some running around We get to Toronto, walk around the city and among the counteless jokes including a tired/angry Robin-looking Batman-street performer, and an undercover b-boy, we eat, and walk 20 blocks to the venue. lol.
We get there and see more than a few toronto familiar faces. A lot of which I've seen on Facebook. Meet some new cool peeps. For some reason, not sure if it's because of this water or not, but I felt incredibly thirsty and by the bar, I hunt for a pitcher of water. I find one, then proceed to grab a cup... only to realize after my first big gulp that it tasted like a cold mop, with Lysol and a hint of chlorine. A girl that was beside me witnesses this, and thus the start of a cool camaraderie. I recover thanks to a bite from her banana bread, and a sealed bottle of water.. get seated and await the arrival of poets to bless the mic. ... here we, here we, here we gooooo...
Last Tuesday, I had a spontaneous urge to go to Ottawa to see my cousins, and aunt, and thought that because it would be last free weekend before school starts up again. Though I was concern about it being a dent in my pocket, I knew that it also meant free Food!! and having fun with my cousins, so I went for it. Conveniently enough I also found out that Ian Keteku was going to be able to hook me up with a ride from Ottawa to Toronto because they were competing in UpFromTheRoots - The 8th Annual Toronto International Poetry Slam.
The night before I left my house, I went to future shop and set my eyes on Dr. Dre's Solo's a set of headphones I was meaning to own a while ago! So I went in to future shop and bought it. Then I got home, and proceeded to delete/sacrifice some of the tracks I had on my ipod, and put on some new ones. I added some Bruno Mars, Mayer Hawthorne, Fashawn, and a few random tracks by other artists (kanye, Kweli,The Roots ect.) ... I remember having all these things running through my head at that point... More specifically, because I had just come from a Manifesto meeting. An event I had been meaning to attend for a while now, but because I don't know people who would be interested in checking it out with me... I settled into my comfort zone, and didn't go. So this year rather than history repeating itself, I decided to get involved. :) ... and so far it seems like it's going to be one of the best decisions I could've ever made. *crossing my fingers* that it holds true as September rolls around.
Anyways, so I stack up my ipod, and pack the bare minimum, and catch my Z's. I wake up, run to catch the bus, and get lectured by the bus driver on how I should never run for the bus. I take the subway and get off and start walking only to realize that I had failed to check the weather, because it starts to rain, (something I later came to realize as a fail move on my part lol), I walk to the greyhound station with my cardigan covering my hair and my upper body, while my bare legs get blessed with every rain drop.
Upon my arrival in hopes of grabbing some food to ease my 5 hour bus ride, I go downstairs of the station, only to realize that by the time I go back upstairs, the line-up had quatrupled (Titi if you're reading this, I'm sure it sounds all too familiar). ...anyways, so I finally end up grabbing a seat, put on my headphones and try to sleep. I manage to sleep, but then wake up to the track Monster blasting on my iphone.
I need to pause and assess this track. The track caught me off-guard. More particularly Nikki's part. I was shocked. I've said it before that Nikki Minaj annoys me. This is entirely due to the fact that I miss Lauryn Hill. This track had the power to literally wake me up from my uncomfortable slumber, then re-listen to it for a solid 5 times before I moved on to the next track. like.... WHAT? ... kèèèèt. The track was reckless and trop ridiiiicccuuullle... and all I could think of was Good Job Nikki. You've won my respect. (though I`m sure somewhere in my periphery I feel a tad bit uncomfortable with that statement lol).. but yeah. props.
...
So I get to Ottawa, After a short wait, I'm greeted by my aunt, who though glad to see me, stares at my hair with an odd and discusted look, and proceeds to touch it and ask me what`s going on with my hair. lol... gotta love fammmllaaay. lol... so I explain myself, and she shakes her head, I get annoyed, but shrug it off. I get to the house, and I am welcomed with an embrace by my little cousins and my uncle. I did not realize how much I missed them until I got to hear their stories, and felt their hugs.
The next day, there was some talk about going go-karting, but that didn`t work out, and I just ended up helping out around the house, grocery shopping and finishing it off with some wine and dinner, and playing dominoes with All my cousins and my uncle!. ... Something that had become some kind of unspoken tradition, anytime we ever all got together. We played with our 30 piece domino set from Cuba... and cracked jokes all night long, while sipping on whine and krémas (Think of a more authentic, Haitian Hand-made version of Baileys before business decided to steal the recipe). It took me back. I felt love. I felt loved. and thankful. :)
Though it was the end my stay, I was so happy to be where I was. So happy to be in the presence of family. I went to bed, being completely clueless as to what was awaiting me the next day.
But knowing that moments like these I love... and remember that times like these are priceless. Blessed Beyond Measure.
In the midst of urban development and growth, the people who are often most affected by the result of elite decision making are the marginalized groups in society. In the case of the United States in the 1980s, the marginalized group consisted of racialized visible minorities such as blacks and Latinos. Throughout history the way marginalized groups have dealt with the effect in social changes were different. For the purposes of this post, the focus of dealing with urban development will be concentrated on the creation of Hip Hop as a response to this marginalization. It is important to consider the experiences of the racialized youth when relating it to hip hop because it shows the complex interplay of race and racism in contemporary urban cities. What's my point? Well I think that the creation of Hip Hop culture was the response to the effects of the politics of race and racism during the growth of post-industrial cities. I think so for 3 main reasons. First through the exploration of the socioeconomic context in which gave birth to Hip hop, Second through the alienation of the citizenship of racialized groups in ghettos from gentrification, third through contemporary identities in Hip Hop culture.
I read a book a while back called: Black Noise by Tricia Rose. In this book she describes the context of the emergence of Hip Hop as sharing some similarities to the beginning of many other musical genres. As being an extension of the African Diaspora of expressing themselves in the midst of oppression, as it was for the blues. The urban context that is critical to the development of hip hop is described by Rose in the chapter: “All aboard the Night Train” as the result of global forces shaping the urban metropolis (Rose, p. 27). These global forces started in the 1970s when social services were losing funding and industrial factories were being replaced by information services, “leaving working-class residents with limited affordable housing, a shrinking job market and diminishing social services” (Rose p.27). Furthermore, Blacks and Hispanics found themselves dis-proportionally over represented in the category of low income in comparison to whites.
A systematic shift in occupation from blue collared manufacturing jobs to information and corporate jobs in addition to the shrinking federal funds and affordable housing constructed the setting of low income in racialized communities (Rose, p.30). As a result of this shift during the growth of the city was the decrease in funding in several schools. When schools got less funding, the areas that suffered as a result were the arts. This meant that areas like music, physical education, visual art were eliminated from school curriculums. Racism can be seen in this event in the negative evaluation of the racialized to assess the fact that it is unnecessary to provide help to these communities because of their status of “visible minorities”. As a result, many racialized youths found themselves unoccupied and unable to express themselves in the midst of their oppression. The Arts offered a way for people to express themselves and offer an entertaining outlet to escape from the sometimes harsh realities of living in the ghetto.
“Hip hop culture emerged as a source for youth of alternative identity formation and social status in a community whose older local support institutions had been all but demolished along with large sectors of its built environment” (Rose, p.34). The youths that were drawn to arts found themselves structurally limited because of their lack of resources. Hip hop offered them a platform where their voices could be heard, and frustrations could be channelled through one of the four elements: emceeing (rap), Graffiti, breakdancing, and turntablism (DJ). The context that paved the way for the creation of hip hop was the gentrification of neighbourhoods. Hip hop culture offered an avenue that was unique to these neighbourhoods that gave the members of the movement a sense of self and a sense of community and a platform to facilitate self-expression. The exploration of the context in which hip hop was birthed is an evident play of gentrification or systemic exclusion of the racialized in post industrialization of cities in America. More specific to the politics at play in the gentrification of neighbourhoods was the universal sense of social exclusion of the racialized groups.
In a book called: Daily Struggles, Galabuzi coins the term “social exclusion” to refer to the experience of racialized groups in society.
“Social exclusion is a form of alienation and denial of full citizenship experienced by particular groups of individuals and communities; among its characteristics are high levels of poverty, uneven access to employment and employment income, segregated neighbourhood selection leading to racialized enclaves, disproportionate contact with the criminal justice system, and low health status”. (Galabuzi p.81).
What is meant by “social exclusion” as it relates to hip hop and politics of race and racism is that the value of the racialized citizen becomes devalued because it is treated unequally in comparison to the non-racialized citizen. Furthermore, this economic segregation from the upper segments of the labour market led to a social segregation thus forming the “erasable ghettos”. As a result, from the emergence of Hip hop, the consumption of commodities became central to what Hip hop was because it offered the alienated racialized citizen a way to reclaim themselves through fashions, street names and crews. The creation of urban culture has allowed hip hop to transcend the colour line, and invite a variety of races to partake into its culture.
Just as the city was growing, the possibility of using commodities to get out of economic turmoil became evident as well. The focus of the hip hop movement to the use of commodities is one attribute that differentiates it from other forms of African American music. The consumption of commodities became a central point in claiming an identity in the racialized communities where hip hop culture was the youth’s popular culture and is now recognized as urban culture. Furthermore this lead to the creation of “urban culture”: a marketable subculture that combines the “ghetto lifestyle” with a “bourgeois” sense of consumerism (Chang). Chang suggests that urban culture sought to look beyond it because “people identified with rap” (Chang p.53)
Besides the artistic aspect of Hip hop, as an outlet for self expression, one may suggest that it does nothing to fix the problems in the context that created hip hop in the first place. In John McWhorter’s book: All about the beat: why hip hop can’t save America, he argues that hip hop besides its political context cannot be used to better the conditions of the racialized or “black America” (McWhorter, p.8). The creation of hip hop, created a platform that was conducive to the voicing of the expressions of the racialized people. Consequently however, it offered no political meaning to advance or better their situation. The ghetto that created hip hop is still here today. McWhorter suggests that if there is to be a revolution in hip hop, it will be driven by the music but will not come out of the music. McWhorter argues that the idea that hip hop can bring about a revolution is based on the same rhetoric that the black panthers had during the civil rights movement (McWhorter, p. 162). According to McWhorter there is no political difference between gangster rap and “conscious” hip hop, because neither offer a political tool to change the actual context of the ghettos and “slums”. For example in Tupac’s “Brenda’s Got a Baby” the issue of a twelve year old pregnant female and her family’s plight to mean that the welfare check will be bigger. Although it attacks the psychological reasoning of this young girl, it doesn’t attack the issue of “welfare policies used to disempower people by paying them to have kids while never requiring them to seek job training or work” (McWhorter, p. 25). But regardless of the political utility rap lyrics have the ability to raise consciousness in order to “Fight the power” of racial and economic oppression.
What I'm trying to convey through this post is that the socioeconomic context that led to the creation of hip hop is fundamental to the understanding of the effects racism and politics have on racialized groups in post-industrial cities. By focusing on racialized groups, one can have a better understanding of the reality of post-industrialization in cities in America. The politics of race and racism is also shown in the social exclusion of blacks and Latinos and other "visible minorities" (a term put in quotation because I find it to be problematic) through the alienation of their citizenship. As a response to this alienation, the creation of hip hop brought forth a platform to claim themselves. Critically however, hip hop raises the issue that should be eyed critically but cannot be used as a political tool to fix problems of its context because it’s just music. The most it can do, or has done is bringing awareness to the listener who chooses to give hip hop a careful listen of the lyrics beyond the beat. Had it not been for the legacies of race and racism in America, hip hop may not have ripened. So much so that its purpose is of “dissing” and lowering their opponent in order to empower themselves is an idea that is at its core (Due to the constraint of this post, cannot be further elaborated on). Hip hop culture has enunciated the need to “fight the power” but does not provide the tools necessary to bring about this change.
.... ...
I guess, when I really think about it, that's why I chose to study political science. I came into this, thinking that if I know how the system works, and how the world is structured, I could maybe do something about the injustice,... maybe do something about the poverty. ... But of course, the more I learn the more I overwhelmed I felt about making any sort of difference. ... And to be honest, I don't really know where to start change. But I can't just do nothing. so I simply Try my best to Be that change. To pay Hip Hop a careful listen... To pay people a careful listen. ...I mean I've been blessed to have a voice. To have working hands and legs. So I can't just do NOTHING........... so, ... let's just say... I'm working on my next step.
[sidebar: I do realize this post is my longest. But if you couldn't tell already, I wrote this for a class. lol]
